How's this for I love you?
by couurtneeeyxo
Summary: O-S  A tragic death, leaves Jasper in ruins. Alice is to mend a broken heart...


**A-N: This is my first story ;) hope you enjoy it! Please review! x**

What are you supposed to do at lunchtimes?  
>I despised lunchtimes. I always stuck out like a sore thumb. No one liked me, and although I got on with most people, I didn't really have the confidence to force myself upon them.<p>

And now that Jasper isn't here…. It's waaay harder.

I wandered round school aimlessly tripping over my own feet every now and then. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole!

School without Jasper was like school without meaning. He started at this school when we were both little and up until last year he was perfectly happy here, until he starting getting bullied about his at home life, so he moved to an all-boys school just down the road. But to us that road stretched on and on and on.

Jaspers at home life was actually really sad, I always felt sorry for him. He, his sister and his mum lived in a little shoebox of a house.

His dad used to beat his mum up all the time. One day he got sick of seeing his mum bruised and bleeding, and called the police. They arrested him for abuse and countless other felonies.

So when he was gone. Jazz, Charlotte and their mum moved house, she didn't want him coming back. The house was small but affordable, Jazz and his little sister have to share a room because of the limited space.

Jazz didn't mind though, he adored his sister and would do anything for her. Things had started to look up for him then, but not for long. People soon found out who his father was, causing them to pick on Jasper. One night, some boys threw a brick through his front window. As much as I tried to stick up for him, I knew there was nothing more I could do. The brick was the last straw for Jazz, so he moved schools…

So anyway, straight after school I ran straight out of the gates leaving it all in my dust. I ran straight to Jaspers'. I knocked on the door and his mum opened it. She was crying. "Melanie!" I gasped "Are you ok, what's happened?" She came out and shut the door behind her.

I wandered out the school gates off to Jaspers house. Last period was always a drag, I was glad to finally be free of the god damn class room.

I stood at the small familiar path to Jasper house. Jaspers mum Esme stood in the doorway sobbing. I ran towards her.

"Esme? What happened?"

"It's Charlotte, she's been killed" I froze.

"What?" I exclaimed "What? I mean how?" Melanie's eyes started watering again.

"Hit and run" she half smiled although her eyes brimmed over with fresh tears, I could tell she was just trying to be brave. "She was such a good girl and I want to remember her the way she was"

I felt my own eyes sting and wrapped my arms around her small frame. I didn't say anything, I didn't feel the need, she knew what I was going to say and stroked my cheek.

"Jasper? Is he ok? How's he handling it?" I then asked in a whisper, worried

"Not so well" She pulled away looking down at the floor "I really hate to be rude hun, but are you able to come back another time? I don't think he's going to talk" I hugged her again.

"It's fine, please tell him I stopped by, give him my love, tell him to text me later if he wants to talk, or just to let me know he's alright?…Oh and take care, let me know if there's anything I can do. " I said an awkward goodbye and started walking home.

I went home and I was greeted by mum smiling and asking me how my day was, "Well it was good, up until just now. Charlie's been killed mum"

Mum gawked "She's what?" I explained it all to mum and she breathed in deeply. "Wow" she said.

The next day or so was even harder, it was the school holidays now of course, and I wanted to go and see how Carl was. I didn't want to disturb him, I knew he would still be really upset, and of course he had every right to be. I decided not to visit today and give him one more day to calm down…. Instead I wrote him an email, which read:

_Jasper,  
>I heard what happened, I dropped by after school yesterday…<br>I'm so so sorry Jazzy. That's really horrible news. Please, if there's anything that I can do to help. Anything at all, please don't hesitate to ask. If you ever need to talk… You know where I am.  
>Thinking of you,<br>Love,  
>Alice xx<em>

My laptop chimed, signalling a new e-mail

_What if I don't want to talk?  
>Just leave me alone Alice<em>

Ok, so he's upset? He's got every right to be… I'll go round and see him tomorrow….The worst he can do is to tell me to go away.

~O~

I went round to Jasper early morning on Saturday. I rung the door bell and this time Jazz answered.

"Hey" I muttered he just looked at me and walked off; he left the door open which I guessed meant I could come in.

I went in and he was already going up the stairs. I chased after him.

"Hey, hey what's going on?" I said.

"What do you think?" he snapped, I put my hand on his shoulder and said

"Yeah, apart from that…you know, like it's expected to grieve obviously but….if you want to talk, I'm here. I'm all ears" I forced a small smile, he shrugged me off and went into his room, closing the door, I heard the tell-tale sound of the door locking. I sighed, there was no point trying to get much more out of him, I turned on my heel and went home.

Over the next few days, Jazz wouldn't talk. Not just to me, to anyone. We used to be so open, I could tell him anything, and likewise for him, but now…he didn't text, and when I texted him he never replied, he didn't call, and when I went around to his house, he tensed up and walked into his room and locked the door. I knew he was grieving, but this can't be healthy.

One particular afternoon, I went around to his house to ask him to dinner. He opened the door and he looked horrible…

His hair was scruffy and sticking up everywhere. The bags under his eyes had darkened and he wore the same clothes from yesterday.

He didn't talk to me, didn't even say hi. He just left the door open and started walking up the stairs to his room (like usual). I ran quickly after him. I wasn't going to let him get away this time without telling me what he needed.

I grabbed his arm and faced him. He wouldn't look at me directly in the eye but I saw his breathing rapidly increase. "Jazz….. Jasper, tell me what you're thinking. Please, please, I want to help you" I said firmly, desperately. For a minute he didn't say anything then he looked at me, my heart skipped a beat.

The look on his face made me almost want to cry. He looked like he was screaming inside, searching for help, help I couldn't give him right now. I felt horrible, there was nothing I could do until he told me what was going on…Even then I don't know.

He looked at me and burst into tears; he didn't talk for a bit, I don't think he could with him crying so much. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him with me to a near chair in the hall. He cried into my lap, soon I was doing the same.

"It's going to be ok, It's going to be fine" I whispered. He pulled away from my arms, not in a mean way though,

"Charlotte's funeral's tomorrow Alice, I… I can't do it" he stammered. I stared at him. "I really don't think I can do it. There's no way I'm going to be able to see her tomorrow Alice, no way"

I'd never ever seen him this upset before, he was always so calm and strong. Tears streamed down his face. He turned away from me and went into his room, he shut it, but he didn't lock it… '_Progress_' I thought to myself.

Even through the door, I heard loud sobs. I sighed, "Jazz, just text me later tonight or ring me or come over or something, just to let me know you're ok. Please Jasper. Please"

On my way back down the stairs, I bumped into Esme. She sighed, "Did you get much out of him?" She questioned. I shook my head,

"He's just really upset about tomorrow…" She nodded mutely.

"That's what I thought". I patted her shoulder.

"How are you anyway?" she shrugged.

"I don't even know myself".

That night I curled up under the covers and stared at my mobile. Enchanting it to ring or buzz or something!

Nothing happened.

I fell asleep and woke up with a sick feeling in my stomach; Charlotte's funeral was this morning. I imagined the state Jasper would be in right now, shuddering at the thought.

I told myself I would go round and visit him after the funeral. It wasn't a big funeral, just immediate family.

I was deep in thought and almost didn't realise my mobile was ringing.

I looked at it to find that it was Jasper, I flipped it open and hit talk.

"Hey you" I carefully spoke, I didn't know what state he was in and I couldn't afford to say the wrong things. It felt like I was treading on eggshells!

He replied straight away with "Alice, I need you to come today, please, please I can't do this on my own. I need you" He begged.

"Of course, anything, you know that" he sighed with relief.

"I have to make a speech and I'm not sure I can" I hoped he wouldn't start crying again, I hated seeing him upset, it was like my worst nightmare.

"Yes, yes you can, you can do anything, Charlotte would want you too"

I told him I would meet him at his house in ten minutes.

I quickly pulled out my best clothes and started running down the road to his house

I arrived and found the door already opened, I slid through it and ran into Esme on my way up the stairs again, when she saw me she quickly pulled me into a tight embrace.

"Oh, Alice, I can't thank-you enough for being here today. You don't know how much it means to Jasper" I smiled and bounded up the rest of the stairs.

I knocked on Jaspers door and he hoarsely croaked "Come in" I went in and stared at him in awe, he looked stunning, I know it's a horrible thing to say at this time but he really did, he was dressed up in his suit, with his tie and polished shoes. I felt very underdressed.

"Thank you, so so much for coming Ali, I don't think I could have done this without you" I smiled and held out my hand.

"Are you ready?" I said.

He nodded and then stopped "Oh, one second" he walked over to his bed and reached over to grab a folded up piece of paper. His speech.

He took a deep breath and took my hand.

On the way to the venue, Jazz and I sat in the back.

He was obviously nervous; his leg was bouncing up and down. I patted his leg and he looked at me and bravely smiled.

We pulled up and he breathed heavily…I noticed his breathing rapidly increase again. That was never a good sign.

We entered the building and took our seats. I was still holding his hand, and as it started his grasp got tighter. I looked over at Esme who was sitting on the other side of me. I took her hand and she squeezed it back appreciatively.

The whole time I sat hand in hand with Jasper and Esme.

Soon came speeches. Jasper got called up first, he released my hand and hesitantly made his way up to the stand. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out his paper, he glanced over at me and I gave him a thumbs up, I mouthed, 'Do it for Charlie' He nodded and cleared his throat.

He started speaking:

"Charlotte Rose Whitlock, where do I start? She was just the most brightest, bubbliest, gorgeous little face I'd ever met, I remember going to visit her when she was first born, that day I promised myself I would be the best brother to her. Charlie, I'm going to miss you so so much and….."

That's when he stopped, he looked at me and shook his head, and I got his point.

"I'm sorry, I can't do this" he mumbled as he jumped off the stage and ran out. Esme went to run after him when I put my hand on her knee.

"Do you want me to go?" I whispered, she nodded and I stood up and started chasing after him.

I found him sitting under a tree at the back of the building. I stood for a second around the side of the building, just watching him. He had his head in his hands. I walked over to him.

"Oh, you're going to get you're suit all dirty!" I said jokingly, trying to lighten the mood.

He looked up and patted the ground beside him. I sat down. "I haven't told you the full story on what happened that day" I looked at him puzzled, "I took Charlie for a walk to the park, just me and her. She ran ahead, she didn't see the car, and ran across the road without thinking. I couldn't do anything, I ran as fast as I could to try and stop her but it was too late. The car tried to stop, but it didn't manage it quite in time. It drove off! Without stopping! I called for an ambulance immediately….but it was too late…."He looked up at me, "It was my fault Alice. _My fault_, I should have kept her closer to me, I should have told her to stop and wait for me. I should have seen it coming! It was my fault! I promised her that I would always protect her…." his voice cracked.

I shifted closer to him…"Don't you dare start blaming yourself for this Jasper!" I took his hand "There was nothing you could have done. What happened was a freak accident Jazz, and none of it was your fault!"

"You now have two choices .You can come back inside, and carry on your speech. Or you can sit around here, thinking about what you could have done better. Although deep down we both know you could have done nothing to prevent this" I stated matter-of-factly.

"Your right" he said, "I need to do this for Charlotte" he got up and brushed himself down, he took my hand and walked back into the building, I was about to take my seat when he pulled me up with him "I need you" he whispered, he got up and boldly started talking again.

"Charlotte Rose Whitlock, where do I start? She was just the most brightest, bubbliest, gorgeous little face I'd ever met, I remember going to visit her when she was first born, that day I promised myself I would be the best brother to her, Charlie, I'm going to miss you so so so much and I'll never ever forget you" His eyes started glistening and his voice wobbled, but he still carried on speaking, I looked at him with admiration and squeezed his hand supportively, he squeezed back tightly and said, "There's so much you've done for me and now I just want the time to say…Thank-You. I will always remember the time when I was upset one day and I was down at the beach, you came marching up to me and said 'Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get up and be the best damn brother you said you would!'. Charlotte, you were the best sister, my best friend, all ways have, always will. Thank-you"

He climbed down the stairs, dragging me behind him.

He took his seat. And he looked at me "How was that?" he whispered

"She would have been proud of you" I whispered back.

After the funeral had ended, we had a chance to see Charlie.

I knew Jazz wanted to, but after what he told me by the tree, I don't think he would be able to. All the guests were allowed to go in first, after they had left, Esme wanted to go in. She wanted to go in by herself, I didn't think that was a good idea, but if that was what she wanted, Jazz and I waited outside.

She came out in a right state. Jasper hugged his mother and was comforting her, I took over and embraced her tightly

"It's going to be ok Es, maybe not right now, but things will get better" She sniffed and went to sit in the car, she agreed to wait for us but Jazz said he wanted to walk home.

Esme waved, driving off into the distance.

He nodded and we walked over to the building. I waited at the entrance while he went in; I thought it would be better for him to have some time alone.

He walked up to where Charlotte was. I saw him breathe in and then slump down over her. I wondered if I should go over to him.

He looked up at me and burst into tears again, that answered my question. I ran over to him and he picked me up and hugged me…really tight! He was sobbing uncontrollably. He put me down and tried to collect himself, after multiple tries, he gained enough confidence to look back over at his resting sister.

I looked too; it was so hard to believe she was dead! She had a gorgeous little dress on and her hair was in plaits. I looked over to Jasper "Do you want to leave?"

He nodded; he looked one more time over at Charlotte, stroking her bruised face. "I love you Charlotte" he sobbed "never EVER forget that… I love you" He walked to the door, and stopped and turned back…. "It's so hard to leave her Alice. Knowing that… I'm never going to see her face again"

I took his hand "It'll get better"

He got out and breathed in deeply. "I never thought I would ever have to do something so hard"

Once we got back to our houses, I let Jazz go in by himself, I thought he might need some time with his mum, alone, I went back to my own house and mum came out of her room when she heard the door shut.

"Hey sweetie, you okay?" she said standing in the kitchen doorway wiping her hands.

"Yeah _I'm _fine. Esme's a mess…" I didn't mention Jasper but I knew that would be the next thing coming.

"And Jasper? How's he holding up?" '_Told ya'_ I thought.

"Uh…. He's worse, I have never seen him so upset mum, it was horrible. He stood up to make his speech and only made it past the introduction, before he ran off crying! He's blaming himself for her death, he was out for a walk to the park with her when Charlotte ran ahead and ran straight across the road, the car hit her and drove off without checking to see if she was ok. He called an ambulance, but by that time it was just too late" tears began streaming down my face.

Mum looked very sympathetic, "Aw the poor love"

That night, really late, I was asleep, when I awoke to my mobile ringing. I thought it might have been Jazz but I answered it to find it was Esme. "Alice? I'm sorry to ring you this late, but I can't find Jazzy…. is he round at yours?"

"No, no he's not…Is he gone missing?" I panicked.

"I don't know, I just woke up and he's not here! I searched the house and the back yard and he's not here. Alice, I'm getting worried" She sounded worried!

"Okay uh! Don't do anything, I'll be right round".

I went into mums' room and woke her, "Mum, mum. It's Jazz, he's gone missing, and I need to get there! Now!"

Mum was dazed, sleepy, "Ali, calm down! What do you mean he's gone? How do you know?" She rasped out groggily, I really had no time of explanations.

"Esme rang me to see if he had come here! She said he was missing. I told her I would be right round! Please mum!"

Surprisingly she jumped up and ran to get her shoes, she told me to wait in the car. She was still in her pyjamas when she came out.

She drove me round there to Esme's. She told mum to go home and that I would stay the night at their house.

That whole night, we searched everywhere! Every possible place we could think of. With no luck.

We were really starting to get panicked, Melanie then announced, "Right, that's it, I'm calling the police"

I nodded, I then thought of something vitally important, "WAIT! Wait Esme! I know where he is!"

I ran off towards the forest, Esme hot on my tail. I stopped when the little doll house became visible, "We used to play down here all the time when we were little" we ran down towards it and we stopped when we got to the door. It was locked, "Jasper! Open the door, right now!" The relief on Esme's face was evident, we just had to get him out

"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! I just want to be alone! So clear off! The both of you can go to hell!" He slurred.

I went around to the tiny plastic window Jasper sitting on the little mat, and he was surrounded by bottles of alcohol, drinking it like it was water.

"Jazz! Come out! Stop feeling sorry for yourself, what you've been through was hard, but getting drunk and being stupid like this will not talk your problems away, it won't bring Charlotte back now will it?" He flung open the door and lunged at me.

"You have no idea what I'm going through! You don't have a clue! You can't go judging me! I'll do what I like!" I flinched back at his outrage.

He had thrown me to the ground.

Esme jumped in front of Jasper and pushed him away from me, "What the hell are you doing! All Alice has done for you in the last week has jumped when you said. She has done everything she possibly could to you and how do you repay her! By throwing her to the ground? Fine then, come on sweetheart, let's go home. If Jasper decides to join us, then so be it!"

She helped me up and that's when I realised I couldn't walk on my right foot. It was really swollen and I couldn't put any pressure on it at all. When I tried, I shrieked in absolute agony.

Esme lifted me up and walked us to the car; she was going to take me past the emergency department on the way home to see if it was ok.

I turned and glanced back and saw Jasper, who was glancing at me, looking worried, when he saw me looking he turned away, picked up the bottle of vodka and took several huge mouthfuls.

I tried not to look worried but inside I was petrified, what if he stayed there all night? What if he didn't come home? I looked over at Melanie and I saw she was the same as me, "It's ok hun, don't worry, he'll come home soon enough, once he gets hungry more like it. Now how's your foot?"

I shook my head, "Not good, I can't even touch it".

We stopped at the emergency department and she fetched a wheel chair for me. After I had x-rays and everything, they told me it was broken in two places. I then had to go and get it plastered and get my crutches.

Es dropped me back at my house, due to the circumstances "Oh, well I suppose I better come in and explain…."

Mum was horrified "The poor boy, he must be so lost" she gasped,_ still _in her pyjamas.

"Yeah, I don't know what I'm going to do with him. He'll be back tonight, I know him…"

I told Esme to ring me as soon as she found out something, "Please Esme, please, I don't care what time it is, just please let me know"

She agreed, apologised again, and set off home….

I looked at mum and she smiled "Don't even start! I'll take some aspirin and I'm going to bed" I laughed.

It felt good to laugh; I hadn't done it in a while. Although I don't know why I was laughing! I was still in extreme pain, but yet I found it easier to laugh than cry.

That next morning I heard a knock on the door, hobbled to answer it seeing as mum had gone to get the groceries. I was surprised to meet the tired hung over face of Jasper.

"Hey" he said

"Hey" I replied, he looked down at my leg.

"I did some damage ahe?" He winced slightly.

I nodded stiffly "Yep, It's broken in two places"

He looked at his feet. "First Charlotte, now you! What kind of monster am I?" I sighed and gently prodded him with my crutch.

"Don't" I warned

"Alice, I don't even know what to say, maybe I could start with, I'm sorry?"

I smiled "Apology accepted, but why did you try to get yourself drunk?"

He thought about his answer for a bit, "I don't know, I thought if I drunk enough then." He stopped "This is going to sound awful ok so just don't judge so quickly, give me a second to explain. Ok so, I thought if I drunk enough then I would forget about Charlotte" He looked disgusted in himself.

"I know what you're trying to say, I haven't experienced it, but I understand"

"Thanks Ali, I was standing out here for ages before, deciding whether you would have wanted to see me"

I sighed, "Carl, of course I would have wanted to see you. You were -and still are by the way- going through a really tough spot, you need friends and family around you, people to talk to, if makes you feel better"

He nodded, "I know, I just felt like I could deal with it myself you know? I didn't think it was such a big deal."

I laughed "That's just you being a boy Jazzy, typical…You guys can always handle everything ahe?" He smiled softly "I love seeing you smile" I beamed.

"Probably much better than seeing me cry like a baby?" I nodded.

"It was so sad seeing you that upset, I'd never seen it before and I didn't know what to do" He stretched his arms out and I buried myself into his soft jersey…..

"You know what Ali?" he whispered against my hair.

"I was right….And you were wrong?" I joked

"Yeah that but something way more important…." He taunted.

"And what's that?" He looked at me beaming.

"I love you"

I smiled at him and replied, "I love you more"

_Ten years later…._

I watched from around the corner of the bathroom door at the hospital. He looked perfect. He was cradling our first baby. Our precious little baby girl. I watched as he pulled her up to his face and kissed her lightly on her nose, beaming at her proudly. He was going to be the best daddy to her. He saw me standing there and stood up walked over to me, still holding our girl.

"Alice Whitlock. You have made me the happiest man in the world. She's amazing…..Do you have any idea on what you want to call her?"

I nodded, and put my arm around his waist, "Of course… She's our beautiful baby Charlotte….."

**A-N: Thanks to my beta :) please tell me whatcha think! :)**


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